


Slices of Life

by norakwami



Category: Miraculous Ladybug
Genre: Crack, gratuitous kwami shenanigans, in which Adrien Agreste is x kwamis in a trench coat
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-04
Updated: 2019-07-20
Packaged: 2020-06-09 14:45:34
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 1,509
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19478074
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/norakwami/pseuds/norakwami
Summary: It had been Plagg's idea, or maybe Trixx's, or possibly both PlaggandTrixx's, given how the two of them got on like a house on fire and tended to feed off each other's horrible ideas.  Sass wasn't entirely sure at this point, although he knew it definitely had been Plagg who'd dug out Adrien's slightly-outdated old phone, downloaded the app, and provided Adrien's credit card information from memory.  He hadn't been on board with the idea at the time, especially with how much the previous Guardian had stressed the need for absolute secrecy, but his protests had fallen on deaf ears as Plagg and Trixx gleefully customized a full half dozen pizzas with an assortment of cheeses and toppings and then threw in a salad, some pasta, and a dessert pizza for good measure.





	1. Chapter 1

The first time the kwamis ordered pizza for themselves was very nearly a complete shit show.

It had been Plagg's idea, or maybe Trixx's, or possibly both Plagg _and_ Trixx's, given how the two of them got on like a house on fire and tended to feed off each other's horrible ideas. Sass wasn't entirely sure at this point, although he knew it definitely had been Plagg who'd dug out Adrien's slightly-outdated old phone, downloaded the app, and provided Adrien's credit card information from memory. He hadn't been on board with the idea at the time, especially with how much the previous Guardian had stressed the need for absolute secrecy, but his protests had fallen on deaf ears as Plagg and Trixx gleefully customized a full half dozen pizzas with an assortment of cheeses and toppings and then threw in a salad, some pasta, and a dessert pizza for good measure.

“Nah, he's _oblivious_ ,” Plagg had said when Sass brought up the minor issue of getting Adrien's permission before spending several hundred euros of his Chosen's money. “He won't even notice.”

So it was that the two troublemakers placed their order for delivery, only to pause in the middle of congratulating themselves when they realized that _someone_ would have to answer the door.

And while that was very much something any of the kwamis present _could_ do, it was _not_ something that the magical restrictions Adrien and Marinette had placed on them would allow. The young Guardians were extremely lenient, giving the kwamis reasonable freedom to enjoy the comforts of their apartment and its balcony, but even they insisted on restricting their ability to reveal themselves to humans other than their holders.

Sass watched from the relative safety of one of Marinette's potted plants as Plagg and Trixx attempted to solve that problem between them. Asking either of the Guardians to get the door for them was out; both were at work and wouldn't be home for several hours. Opening the door before the delivery person got there would be unnecessarily risky and was quickly ruled out despite Plagg's willingness to Cataclysm any unwanted intruders.

“Oh, I've _got_ it,” Plagg suddenly said, shooting up into the air. “Come with me!”

Plagg grabbed Trixx and dragged him off towards Adrien and Marinette's bedroom. Tikki sighed and followed the two of them down the hallway. “This ought to be good,” Mullo said from somewhere above Sass. Sass nodded, debating whether he was curious enough to follow them or not, but they reappeared a few moments later, carrying Chat Noir's trench coat between the three of them.

“Why am I going along with this?” Tikki grumbled.

“Because our ideas are the best, Sugarcube,” Plagg said from somewhere in vicinity of the coat's left sleeve.

Trixx zipped into the right sleeve. “How do we look?”

Mullo snickered. “Totally unconvincing. How are you going to pass yourselves off as a human without a face?”

“Mirage. Duh,” Trixx said, sounding thoroughly smug.

“And how do you plan to _take_ the pizzas when they're delivered?” Sass asked. There was a very pregnant pause as Plagg and Trixx digested the question, then—

The bell rang.

“Shit!” Plagg startled and phased right through the coat. The side he'd been holding up collapsed, pulling Trixx down with it. Sass exchanged an exasperated look with Mullo and flew down to help them. He'd insist later that it was just because he hadn't wanted to keep the poor human waiting, but he'd be lying if he said that he wasn't interested in seeing Plagg and Trixx actually pull it off.

By the time they finally got the door open, the rest of the kwamis were watching the spectacle from various hiding places. Tikki had retrieved one of Adrien's beanies and floated above the neck of the trench coat. It was almost passable with Trixx's illusion attached, although the young man delivering their order gave them some decidedly weird looks as Trixx guided him into the kitchen and had him spread out the boxes along the counter.

As soon as they had the kid tipped and out the door, Trixx dropped the illusion with a melodramatic sigh. Plagg abandoned his arm of the coat and dove straight into one of the pizza boxes with a happy squeal. A few of the other kwamis took the coat from them, chattering happily. Sass shrugged and headed for a box that smelled delightfully of anchovies.

If he couldn't keep them in line, he might as well join them.


	2. Chapter 2

Adrien was nowhere near as oblivious as Plagg thought he was. After all, he'd been the one to introduce Plagg to the concept of ordering things online, and it was his information—including email address—that the kwami provided when he'd registered for the pizza place's app. Thanks to the account creation and order confirmation emails Adrien had known what his partner was up to within minutes of Plagg and Trixx hatching the idea, and at the time had chuckled and wondered exactly how the kwamis were going to pull that off with neither him nor Marinette home. They'd managed it somehow, and all of the evidence had been conveniently disposed of by the time Adrien and Marinette walked in.

A few days later Adrien joined Sass on the balcony where he was enjoying the early morning sun. “So how did they pull it off?”

“I'm sorry?” Sass blinked sluggishly up at him.

“The pizza caper,” Adrien said, grinning into his mug of coffee.

“Plagg said you wouldn't notice,” Sass said, somewhat dumbly. It was far too early—and chilly—for great feats of intellectualism.

Adrien shrugged. “Kind of hard not to notice when he's using my email address for everything.”

“Huh,” Sass said. “I suppose it would be.”

Adrien hummed in agreement. “Plus my banking app alerts me whenever that card is used.”

Sass winced. “I told him spending that much without permission wasn't a good idea. I'm sorry.”

“No worries,” Adrien said. “That card's actually his, anyway. Don't tell him that, though. I don't really want to end up owning a _fromagerie_ because Plagg has no self-control.”

That, Sass thought, was very a reasonable concern given the cat kwami's love of cheese.

Adrien was practically in tears by the time Sass finished relating how Plagg and Trixx had utilized Chat Noir's trench coat and Trixx's Mirage to impersonate him. “Oh my god,” he gasped. “I wish I could have seen that.”

“It was certainly a sight to behold,” Sass agreed, shimmying over to a slightly warmer spot on the rock he was basking on. “Perhaps next time I will take a video for you.”

*

Sass did not take a video the next time they ordered pizza. He was too busy mediating an argument between Roaar and Xuppu about _pineapple, of all things,_ and once Plagg had finalized the order there had been the mad scramble to get themselves and the trench coat ready before the delivery person got there.

It was too bad he didn't, because that was the day they received an extra pizza on top of what they'd ordered.

“Ooh, we got a bonus!” Trixx cheered, flipping the lid of one of the boxes open.

“Ooh,” Roaar and Xuppu chorused.

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Plagg said, staring down at the pizza he'd just opened. The other kwamis gathered around him and stared solemnly down at the sad-looking pizza.

“I don't get it,” Longg said after a few moments.

“Yeah,” Stompp agreed. “This is not a pizza. This is a crust with a few anchovies on it.”

“It's a none pizza with left fish,” Trixx whispered reverently.

“I still don't get it,” Longg said.

“Many years ago,” Wayzz began, “a humor blogger ordered a pizza—”

“Many years ago,” Plagg echoed mockingly. “It happened like yesterday, Wayzz.”

“A humor blogger ordered a pizza,” Wayzz repeated, pointedly ignoring Plagg. “It was in the early days of online ordering, and this blogger decided to test the online ordering system for a local restaurant. He ordered a pizza with no sauce, no cheese, and beef, but the beef was to be placed only on the left side of the pizza.”

“None pizza with left beef!” Trixx exclaimed.

“Sadness in a box,” Plagg countered.

“It's a _meme_?” Mullo asked incredulously.

“It's a meme!” Tikki said, giggling.

“But why is it _here_?” Longg asked, still baffled. “Plagg didn't order this none pizza with left fish, did he?”

“I most certainly did not,” Plagg huffed.

“Then who did?” The kwamis shared a look of confusion.

Plagg shrugged and dove for the pizza with the most cheese on it. “Who cares? It's not like they messed up one of the ones we actually ordered.”

*

“So. None pizza with left fish,” Sass said as Adrien joined him on the balcony the next morning.

“I have no idea what you're talking about,” Adrien said, in a tone that told Sass that he knew exactly what he was talking about.

“None whatsoever?” Sass asked, smirking up at him.

“Nope,” Adrien said. “Not a clue.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Shout out to [GalahadWilder](https://archiveofourown.org/users/GalahadWilder/pseuds/GalahadWilder) for the "none pizza with left fish" comment that spawned this chapter.


End file.
